Isabel Otaniez-Ortiz

Quick intro: Isabel was my last roommate before I got married. Though I never saw her actually do homework, she

is one of the smartest girls I know. She loves what she studies. I have learned so much about

psychology because we became friends. She's 100% sweet.

My name is Isabel, I'm from Iowa. I have 2 sisters and my parents. My dad is from Mexico and my mom is from Ecuador. I am a student at BYU-Hawaii and I'm graduating this semester with a bachelor in psychology. I'm 21 years old.

My sister Crystal was born with a lot of health problems. There wasn't really a name for it, but she had several issues. She was always in need of care and had been through a lot of surgeries. We had nurses come to our house and work with her preparing her meds and helping her. She really liked to read and watch movies. Because of her health problems, she couldn't do a lot of the same things as my sister and I. She did the Special Olympics and she was pretty good at it.

Once a week my family liked to keep Saturdays as a special day for family. We would go out to eat and go to the movies, which she loved. She didn't eat like us because she had a feeding pump. She really loved Hello Kitty, like a lot. And kid shows. So she was high-functioning but her interests and personality were much younger than she was. At that point I was older and I, of course, wanted to watch other shows and we would have to share the t.v. I didn't really want to watch Max and Ruby and shows like that. She would sing all the time, she loved to put on little shows for us. But man, she was a bad singer. She had had so many surgeries, her voice was very high pitched.

She was technically my older sister, but I was always the one that was put in charge. If our parents left, it was all me. She was very innocent. She wore crocs all the time and one time she threw one at me. Unprovoked. (Isabel said, laughing) She didn't grow much, she was very fragile and tiny. She was very pale, unlike my sister Teresa and I. She had a huge smile. Even the clothes she wore were childlike. She just wore whatever our mom gave her. She was one year younger than me in school. I feel like she didn't totally grasp everything because of her innocence. She would just lay down the f-word out of context all the time and didn't think anything of it. We'd tell her she couldn't say things like that, but I don't think she really understood what she was saying.

I wish that I had spent more time with her. I wish I had been more of a friend. At that time, I was more concerned with boys and who I was hanging out with. Because she was more childlike, it was like hanging out with a very little sister. I wish I would have done more things that she liked with her. We had different interests. Even though I don't like Barbie and kid shows, I should have

participated in the things that she liked. I wish I would have been more service oriented towards her and patient. I wish I was more

loving and helpful and done more things with a better attitude. You never really think that they won't be there one day. We never talked about it. The doctors thought she was going to die within her first year. She was 17. She had past all those deadlines, so

we didn't really know. We definitely didn't expect it.

I'm really close with my younger sister, Teresa. I have a different relationship with her than I did Crystal. It's like the relationship you would have with a 7 year old kid. They have a sweet spirit, but they're not someone you would talk to about things. Now I know she's in a better place. I don't want to sound bad, but it's kind of a relief that she is gone. She required a lot of care. I shouldn't think it was a burden, but at the time, I think that's how I saw it. I should have seen it as a blessing to be with her. I think having the gospel (Isabel's religion) helps, it doesn't feel like I will never see her again. If we live righteously, we will be able to see her. When she did pass away, she was becoming more aware that she was different and that must have been hard for her. I think it's good that God chose to take her at the time he did. She doesn't have to see her sisters grow up, get married, and have families knowing that she's not the same and may not have been able to do those things the same as we did or even at all.

We were in Mexico on vacation with our family. And she was acting kind of weird. Usually she was slower moving and tired often. It was understandable, her body was always going through a lot. We went to go see a dinner and a show. We came back and she was getting pretty pale. She has a bed routine and everything but this time she was acting very different. She was fighting my mom while she was helping her get to bed. She was just being really odd. She got weirder and weirder and less and less responsive. It was scary and we didn't know what was happening. We were just at a hotel in Mexico. It was getting kind of late and my family was dealing with it. I think they thought it wasn't anything major. So I just fell asleep on the couch across from her. I remember waking up the next day before anyone else. I thought she was just sleeping. I was playing Angry Birds and eating some bread for breakfast. I assumed everything had worked out. Then I remember my mom coming to check on her in the morning and checked her pulse and freaked out. She was dead. She got my dad and she was already gone. (tears rolling down Isabel's cheeks)

They came and took her. We had her cremated so she's at our house. It turned out she had septicemia. Her intestine ruptured and leaked out and poisoned her body. I guess she was in shock the night before and that's why she was acting strange. We had the funeral in Iowa. My uncles spoke. Yeah.

I feel like sometimes I don't feel bad right away. Sometimes when a friend leaves, I don't miss them right away, but later it sinks in. I didn't cry a lot. I think, since I wasn't as close to her as I wish I had been, I didn't feel completely distraught. I am not proud of it, but lots of times she felt like a burden. So it felt like we wouldn't have to do those things for her anymore. But that's how I felt.

I don't know, I think we just had different interests versus my other younger sister who I talked to often and I get along with. It was really really hard for my mom. And I feel like everyone else didn't exactly show it the same as her. Maybe it was a good thing

that I wasn't so upset because then I could help my mom.

Like I said, with the gospel, I know she is happier where she is than here with all her issues. The social aspect would have started to affect her a lot. She was very smart and understood things. She wanted to have friends and talk to people, but you know, she was different. She got left out even by her own sisters, which is pretty messed up, but it happened. I don't really think about it a lot. I don't really talk about it very much. Grieving is kind of weird. People will ask me how many sisters I have and I'll say 2 and that one of them passed away. People will say, "I'm sorry, what happened?" Then I'll tell them and we will never talk about it again. I don't feel the need to. I don't talk about it with anyone. My mom will bring Crystal up, but my sister and I never talk about it.

I feel like I don't have the best memories and we didn't really make any together. I didn't treasure every moment with her. I just did my thing, not really thinking I might not have much time left with her. I wonder if it happened later, if I would have acted differently. I was 15 when she died. She would have been 23 this year.

I feel a lot of regret. I can't do anything for her anymore. It's too late, but I want to remember her through others. Remember to be more loving and patient with people with special needs. They really have it tough.

I can take that regret and learn from it and try to help people now. If I see opportunities and apply what I learned.

Sometimes I will see people that remind me of her, people with health issues and older people. I can keep Crystal in mind,

even though I can't do those things for her anymore, maybe I can be more loving and patient with other people.

I'm hoping to do something clinical with psychology. I want to work in a mental clinic and I think it would

be nice to be able to help people, you know?

From left to right: Crystal, her dad, Isabel, Teresa, her mom

#OhanaStories