It wouldn't be fair for me not to introduce Tayler. She is such an amazing girl, every time I'm with her, I'm laughing. I met her in high school, I remember her walking into French class brand new to the school. It was so easy for everyone to become her friend, she just drew people in. I also need to add that she has been exactly what I need lately. Even though we are far away, she will text me on all holidays and birthdays just to check on me and be understanding. It's like she has a feeling I need help and then right then, I'll get her message.
My dad was a very sweet man. He wore his heart on his sleeve. It's something that he passed on to me, I believe. I care a lot about things and I'd say that I learned that from him. Some of my favorite memories... I have a few. I miss a lot of things about him, but I'd have to say that I miss him cooking chicken Malibu's (his favorite recipe) with the back door open on a summer night. I can see him cooking them in our kitchen. I never knew that those moments would be so significant. He was also the kind of guy that would roll down the windows but blast the heater in his truck. That was annoying! Haha. But I do think about those moments quite a bit. It's crazy how the small things are the most significant. It was pretty sudden. My dad died from alcoholism. He had been sober for roughly 5 years, but his organs started to fail him. It was sudden and no one was expecting it. He passed away May 11th, 2012. I honestly miss a lot of things. But I miss just having my dad around. I never knew that just being able to say "Dad" without clarifying "my dad, your dad" etc. would be so significant. One of the hardest things to come to terms with was realizing that I would never call someone "dad" again. Even to this day it's still hard when I think about it. I do have a few regrets. I wish I wasn't such a stupid teenager and I wish I answered the phone more when my dad called. One of my biggest regrets was contemplating not answering the phone when he called me for the last time. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I did answer the phone though, and it was such a good conversation. He was laughing and so was I. It's a really hard memory to look back on. I'm still grieving. It's been five years. I don't think anyone "gets over" the grieving process. Life just moves on, and it moves on quickly. I still think about my dad all the time. It helps that I have such a good family and we are all so close. I never knew the importance of the family bond until I lost my dad. I cope a lot of different ways. More or less I just breathe through a lot of my sadness. I think about how much love was between my dad and I and how he wouldn't want me to be sad. It also helps to know that I will see him again one day. Now that I'm older it's not as bad. But at first it was really hard because people treated me as a pity case. After I returned to school, teachers and counselors constantly talked to me. While I know they were doing the best thing they could, it still got old and I just wanted to be left alone. I was barely 17, and I was dying to get through the days to put between me and what happened. My dad died suddenly and in the ICU. It wasn't a pretty sight. I definitely suffered PTSD, as odd as that sounds. Some beeps or when the telephone would ring would make me freeze. I hate when people bring up my dad or say how sorry they are. People still do that to this day. It's a little annoying but I know that others haven't faced that kind of thing so they get awkward about it. It's been five years. I don't really want people to refer to me as "the girl whose dad died junior year". This whole thing humbled me. It calmed me down from the wild and party animal teenager that I was. It made me want to go to college and do something with my life. Everything I do, I do for both him and my mom. They gave me the absolute best childhood that I could have ever imagined. I hope and pray to God that I'm doing him justice. Facing my dads death was one of the hardest trials that I had to go through, and being 17 it was even worse. There are a lot of things that make me emotional about missing him. He passed away 3 days after my birthday, so that's always hard. I wish he was there for graduations, celebrations and more than anything I wish he could be the one to walk me down the aisle. I do know that in his own way, he's never that far. I love and miss him every day. There is no other pain like missing a parent. Every day is a new trial but like I said, everything I do, I do for him.