This is one of my favorite photos. I say that a lot. I just love seeing the fragments of an action, a small moment of time, captured and created again through a photograph. This is my dad and Uncle Mark, of course this was the 90s. Mark coaches soccer in Seattle at Seattle Pacific University, which means he receives tons of adidas sports gear from his team. He would always set aside a collection of shoes, jerseys, and jackets for the whole family. My dad loved these so much that when he spilled BBQ sauce all over his white shirt at my wedding, his first alternate outfit was an SPU soccer jersey... that he proudly wore for our "daddy daughter dance". If you caught us laughing as we danced, we were talking about how hilarious it was that he didn't choose to get back into a collared shirt but reverted to the clothes he loved most.
I have fond memories of Aunt Leslie and Uncle Mark visiting us. Mark would greet our family briefly, then he would go find my dad, usually not leaving his side until they left. I could feel an emptiness when they came for the funeral, he wasn't able to go find dad and grab a Coke. My mom asked Mark to be the speaker at my dad's funeral. I can quite honestly say that I've never heard a better talk. He so easily put the essence of my dad into words...
"Hello, my name is Mark Collings and I’m fortunate to call Bill Parker my friend and brother-in-law.
Like all of you, I’m still processing the loss of my friend Bill. As I have had more time to reflect, look at pictures and talk to people about Bill, I’ve realized how much impact he has had on so many people. Bill and I formed a bond immediately. We were both fortunate enough to marry Maughan women….which gave us a lot to talk about. I’m only kidding, we are really blessed to be a part of this family and Bill talked about it all the time. Bill would say things like “Mark, we’re really lucky to be a part of this family,” and then would follow it up with “I’m the black sheep of the family.”
Well, Bill was right, he is the black sheep! But hold on before you go too far with your thoughts. Let me explain and give you a little lesson on black sheep. Many of you are thinking “black sheep” has a negative connotation because that’s the meaning that society has adopted. After a little bit of research, I have found the term “black sheep” to mean something very different and think it fits Bill perfectly. First and foremost, “black sheep” are actually rare, it’s science. I’m finally putting my biology degree to use here, having black wool is a recessive trait. For those of you that aren’t up to date on your genetics lingo, a recessive trait means that it is less common, kind of like having blue eyes. Bill was definitely a rare breed. I think I’ve even heard Lara use that exact phrase to describe him. Never mind, her phrase was Pill Barker.
Continuing with our lesson, the reason that black sheep are less desirable is because you can’t dye their wool. Is that Bill or what? You couldn’t change who he was and didn’t want to, in fact, he made you want to have black wool too. Bill stood out, as evidenced by all the people that are here today, the way a black sheep stands out in a flock. So the next time you think about a black sheep, I want you to remember Bill, a rare breed, that you can’t change the color of his wool and stands out in a crowd.
There are so many reasons that Bill stands out in a crowd and unfortunately, I only have time to share a small sample of them. There are the simple things like McDonald’s Diet Coke. Bill and I have had many conversations over an ice cold Diet Coke. Our conversations would even go to the great depth of “You know Mark, a fountain Diet Coke from McDonald’s is so much better than from a bottle or a can.”
Then there are his boats. I’m not sure how many boats Bill cycled through, but he always had boats available at the Parker Marina. I know that many of us were fortunate to benefit from time on the lake with Bill and he always made sure that boat was spotless and running without a flaw. If you have boats then you need trucks and cars. Bill loved to go car shopping. I still remember going with him to pick up a new Suburban to bring home. It was really nice, and boy was Lara surprised when we got home. Bill had apparently not told Lara about their new purchase.
There are so many things like this that are fun to talk about and laugh, but the good stuff lies in who Bill was as a man, husband, father and friend. Bill was a hard worker. He was up early and worked late. The old saying of “arrive early and stay late,” that was how Bill approached life. I don’t know how he managed to do all the things he did on a daily basis? I feel like I’m always trying to add hours to the day and haven’t figured out how Bill did it. Even though he was really busy, he never was too busy to help. Bill was always willing to lend a hand. He loved helping people and was always the first one to offer his assistance. No matter how busy Bill was, he always had time to help you.
Bill was a friend to everyone he encountered and made you feel so special. He had this amazing skill of calling at the right time. He would listen and always had great advice. The best part of the calls was him saying things like “I just want you to know you’re really special” or “I appreciate you so much.” As I have talked to more and more people, I have realized that I’m not that special; he was doing that for a lot of people….actually, we are all that special to him. The fact that he could make that many people feel special only speaks to how gifted Bill was. His sincerity and caring heart is amazing. Most importantly, he never ended a conversation without saying “I love you!”
In Malcolm Gladwell’s book, “Outliers,” he presents a theory that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to attain “world class expertise” of a skill. There should be a chapter in the book about Bill because I believe he is evidence of this theory. Bill would talk about how impressed he was with all of these people that had all of these degrees and how smart they were. As far as I’m concerned, Bill had multiple doctorate degrees. The combination of his work ethic, desire to help people, and willingness to take a risk led to his mastery of multiple skills and success in business. His mind never stopped working and therefore, he was always trying to master what he was doing and didn’t stop until he achieved his goal.
Family was important to Bill. He loved our family reunions and holidays. He was the person running around to make sure everyone was comfortable and was enjoying their time. We would talk before the family get-togethers and I was always amazed by how much time and effort Bill and Lara would put into making sure that everything was ready for all of us. As Bill would say, “Lara has got me running around. I just do what I’m told.” We all know that’s not completely true; Bill was running around because he wanted everything to be perfect for us. In the rare moment that Bill would sit down during one of our family get-togethers, I can picture him sitting in a chair with a smile on his face, completely at peace with being surrounded by his family. Those moments are the times that Bill seemed so happy.
As great as his friends and family were to him, “the kids” were Bill’s pride and joy. Nothing could put a bigger smile on Bill’s face than those four kids. Malia, Bill, Nora, Ricky, and now Johnny, I want you to know that you guys brought your Dad so much happiness and that he is so proud of you guys. Whether it was watching you guys play your instruments, fly a drone, light fireworks, watching movies or just cuddling up in his room, he cherished those moments with you guys. Your laughter and smile are what he worked and lived for.
Fortunately I spoke to Bill last Wednesday. Our conversation was classic Bill and Mark. After a brief exchange to start the call, I said to Bill, “Do you need anything?” He replied by saying, “No, I’m okay, I have everything that I need, except for the fact that my wife is a tyrant!” I started laughing and said, “What?” He said, “My wife is a tyrant – she won’t get me a breakfast sandwich and Diet Coke from McDonald’s. She said that if I want it, I could get it myself!” I can’t believe you Lara…. How dare you! We all know that Lara has delivered many, many Egg McMuffins and Diet Cokes.
Lara, Bill loves you so much and was amazed by your strength. He loved talking about you and felt so fortunate to have you as his wife. A frequent phrase was, “I don’t know how she does it?” I know that I have used the word special already, but Lara, I want you to know that you are Bill’s “SPECIAL ONE.”
As we take the time to celebrate the life of Bill,
I want use to remember the black sheep,
That spent thousands of hours mastering skills to provide for his family,
The friend that made us feel so special,
That loved his family
And cherished his wife.
It’s only fitting to end this by saying:
“Bill, I want you to know that you’re really special.”
And that I appreciate you so much,
I love you.”
-Mark Collings (Bill’s brother-in-law)